Be Here Now
by LondonGirl101
Summary: "I wanna be that guy. I wanna be the one who's there for you, and you're there for me, and we can just go into it together. I want that, I want you, I want. . . I want us. I've wanted that for so long,"  Set during "Countdown." C/B, R/J, and E/L.


**Be Here Now (I Know I Know I Know)**

* * *

_Note: This is a missing scene from "Countdown." One night I was just thinking, Hmm . . . you know what would be really cute? If Castle and Beckett talk about being in the freezer together and she just might - maybe admit her love to him there. To finish the last of her dead sentence, "I just want you to know how much I l-" So, here's a story I hope you enjoy. :)_

_BTW: I Totally forgot about the whole bomb thing in "Countdown," while I was writing this, (I was much to concentrated on Castle and Beckett and where their relationship was going) so we're just going to pretend that that's not going to happen until a few days after this in the story. In fact, this probably wouldn't be able to fit in the episode at all. But, you're all just going to have to pretend that it would. :) Great! Just needed to clarify that._

_BTW2: I started writing this before I watched "Countdown," so things go much differently. It's kinda like an AU, yet not at all. _

* * *

"Darling, where are you going?" Martha asked.

Castle had his jacket on, car keys in his hand, and his hand on the door handle. He was hoping to have snuck out, but that was obviously not an option in choice anymore. "I'm going to Beckett's place. See how she's doing."

Martha smiled and nodded. "Tell me how she is when you get back."

A small smile formed on Castle's mouth. "I will." He said.

He walked out the door and soon, out of the building. Though it wasn't too cold out, the wind made him grimace and think of the evening in the freezer where it had been below freezing. That's why he was going to Beckett's; to cheek on her. To see if she wasn't handling anything well. Of course, he knew she would hide it if she was still hurting on the inside. He hoped he would be able to push her into telling him _something _of what she was feeling. He wanted to comfort her in any way he could. The best choice that came to his mind would be to hold her. For her to hold him.

He didn't want to be alone in this.

Castle hopped in his car and drove down the road to Beckett's, his mind wandering in a world less haze.

He hadn't been able to talk to her since they were both in the hospital. When he had woken up, he hadn't know where he was. Then, he had remembered everything that had happened. The cold, the ice, Beckett dying in his arms . . . dying . . .

He had torn off the IV's connected to his arm and grabbed a bath robe before walking out the door and to the first nurse he saw. He asked her where he could find Kate Beckett, and prayed that she was there and not dead. If she was dead, he didn't know what he would've done. Died himself probably.

The nurse told him what room she was in. He practically ran over to her door, and opened it to see Beckett - his Beckett - wide awake, sitting up in her bed. He barely had anytime to say her name before she, too, was ripping the IV's out of her arms and running toward him, her body slamming into his. He could still feel her pressed against him. She had wrapped her arms so tightly around his waist, he hadn't been able to breathe properly. (That, and the fact that she was back with him and alive.) Without her heels on, she was a whole head shorter than him. He had wrapped his arms around her. One on her waist, the other in her hair, pressed his lips on the top of her head and whispered the only thing he could think of.

"You stayed."

He had been close to tears at that particular moment, which didn't happen often. He didn't know when it happened, (sometime after they had finally parted) but soon he found himself in her bed, her body curled up against his, her hands on his chest.

He looked down at her, and swallowed hard. He had gently reached his hand up, and brushed her hair out of her face. "You were dead. You were dead, Beckett. . . I - I was soscared. I was afraid that - that I wouldn't be able to bring you back. I didn't think. . ." He stopped, tears running slowly down his face. "You were dead." He repeated.

Thinking of losing a person he trusted and cared about. . . That thought overwhelmed him into what seemed a world of oblivion. A world that he knew he wouldn't be able to function in.

All of a sudden, he'd felt Beckett's hand come up and cup the side of his face. She had gently wiped away the tears on his cheek with her thumb, and spoke gently. "I'm right here. Okay? _I'm right here, _and I'm not anywhere. You're stuck with me."

He smiled. "Just like always," He whispered.

"Just like always."

They had both fallen into a dreamlike haze of sleep.

Castle stopped the car in the parking lot, and looked up at the building in front of him. He hoped she wouldn't shut him out.

~Castle&Beckett~

_1, 2, 3._

"Come on, breath."

_1, 2, 3, 4._

"Come on, Castle. Breath. Come on."

_1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3._

"_Come on, Castle_. Please breath. Please. . ." She sobbed, her voice cracking.

She bent down to fill the inside of his lungs with air again. When she came back up, she pressed her palm down to his chest. She could hardly see through the thick sheet of glassy tears clinging to her eyelashes. She couldn't think clearly as she felt unfamiliar fears come inside of her; climbing up to her chest and into her lungs. _He couldn't die. She wouldn't allow it._

_1, 2, 3._

_One last time. _"Come on, Castle!" She pressed down hard onto his chest.

With a jolt, his eyes opened and he let out a loud gasp. She let out a sob of relief and finally allowed herself to wipe away the tears falling down her face with the back of her hand. She pressed a shaky hand back down to his stomach and held his bleeding wound.

His eyes searched hers, confusion passing through them. "Beckett. . . what-"

She only shook her head. "You got shot, Castle. Don't worry, I already called an ambulance. They're on their way. Just stay with me. Okay?"

He nodded his head and looked back down to see blood seeping up between Beckett's fingers from his stomach. He felt her hand grab his, and he clutched it, needing more of her support.

Beckett tried very hard not to concentrate on the blood she could feel _and_ see coming up through her fingers. She looked down at her bloody hand clutching his, and squeezed it. _You're not going to lose him now. He's alive, and fine. Get a grip on yourself, Beckett._

Those words echoed through her head, but then she realized that he wasn't fine. He was bleeding heavily from his stomach, and if the paramedics didn't come quickly, he'd be gone. Just like that.

She heard Castle groan, and looked back up at him to see his head fall to the ground. "Don't worry. It's gonna be alright. Just stay with me, Castle. You're fine. Come on." The last of her words were barely a whisper on her lips. "I can't lose you."

Beckett gasped, her eyes flying open. For a moment, she forgot where she was. Then, her mind rationalized, telling her what she was just seeing was a nightmare. Beckett brought a shaky hand up to her forehead, wiping away the sweat. She lifted her head up slightly from the couches arm and groaned at the cramp in her neck. This was not the first nightmare she had had this past week. Ever since she had had talked to Lanie. . .

Her mind went back to the morning where she found herself wrapped in Castle's arms. She could feel his shallow breathing on her hair, and she had smiled. She had been so relived that last night hadn't been a dream. Then, without a last doubt, she saw Lanie in the door way, her eyebrow raised.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, girl."

Beckett had abstracted herself from Castle's arms, and gotten up off of the bed. Lanie had grabbed her arm, and carried her out in the hall right before she hugged her.

"Lanie-"

"I'm so glad that you're alright."

Beckett had smiled and hugged her back. "Me too."

When Lanie finally pulled back, she looked back into the room where Castle was still sleeping. "So, how's Castle doing?"

Beckett rubbed her eyes tiredly and yawned. "He's fine, Lanie."

Lanie raised her eyebrow and pursed her lips. "What about you, honey? I know I already asked, but you don't look so good now. Even for someone who just slept overnight in a hospital bed. You did sleep, didn't you?"

Beckett blushed, red creeping up her cheeks. "Of course we did."

"I know, girl. It's just. . . Josh." Lanie asked.

Beckett glared at her. "I just. . . I didn't want to be alone, okay? It was nothing."

Lanie raised her hands up defensively. "Hey. It was just an observation."

"Well, you observed wrong." Beckett said. "We're the one who got locked up in a freezer. _We're _the ones who almost froze to death_._"

Lanie stared at her, putting a hand on her hip. "Yeah, but you're the one who got scared."

Beckett opened her mouth to respond, but stopped, realizing that she was right.

Of course she was right.

Who was she even kidding? Certainly no one she knew, that was for sure.

Lanie took a step forward, placing a hand on her back. "You don't have to say anything. I understand."

_Did she? _Beckett had doubted that.

Beckett slowly got up off the couch, and walked into the kitchen where she washed her face off with some water from the sink. She hadn't seen Castle since the hospital. Though it had only been two days, she got this little ache in her chest, hoping that nothing was wrong. Her mind kept coming to the worst conclusions and she hated that. Suddenly, there was a knocking at her door. Beckett walked over to it, wondering who in the world it could be. When she opened it, she found the person she least expected standing there.

"Castle. . ."

~Castle&Beckett~

Her voice was full of surprise as she stood in the doorway, looking just a bit shell shocked. He had to say she still looked tired even though she had had a whole two days to rest.

"Hey Beckett," He greeted. "I just came over to see how you were."

She smiled. "Thanks, Castle. Um, come on in." She said moving away from the door so he could enter. Castle walked in, and closed the door behind him before following Beckett into the kitchen.

"You want anything to drink?" She asked, getting a glass out for her own dry throat.

Castle shook his head. "No, I'm good."

Beckett nodded her head, and poured her own drink of water before walking over to the couch, beckoning him over also. "So, is that what you came all the way over here to tell me?"

Castle sat down next to her, and shook his head. "No. I wanted to talk."

Beckett raised her eyebrow. "About. . ?"

"Us."

He stated it simple, but the word hung in the air, alive. They stared at each other a few moments, before she swallowed hard. "Oh."

He cleared his throat. "It's just. . . Me and you. It's always _us_. That night in the freezer you told me thank you for being there, and earlier that day you told me you wished that there could be someone there for you, and - and you could be there for him, and you could just dive into it together."

Beckett felt tears weld up in her eyes, but quickly blinked them back. "I meant it." She said sincerely.

"I know you did. I wasn't doubting you." Castle said. He raked his fingers through his hair, and set his elbows on his knees. "It's just. . ." He lifted his head back up and stared at her. "I want that for you, but. . ."

Beckett gently leaned forward, and rubbed her hand on his back. His eyes closed, and she saw a tear roll down his cheek. Her left hand automatically reached up, and she wiped his tear away. "Castle, tell me." She whispered to him.

His eyes seemed to bore into her soul. A sudden urge to kiss him overwhelmed her, but she held herself back, bitting the inside of her lip. In the long silence, he finally spoke up.

"I wanna be that guy. I wanna be the one who's there for you, and you're there for me, and we can just go into it together. I want that, I want you, I want. . . I want _us_. I've wanted that for so long, Kate."

Beckett stared at him, her eyes wide. No one had ever said anything like that to her for as long as she could remember. Nothing. . . She noticed that her hand was now in his, and she squeezed it.

Castle took a breath. "When we were in the freezer, and you blacked out, the only thing going through my head was how I had never told you that I loved you. That just kept going through my mind again, and again - and I just. . . I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself for never telling you those three words after _three years._" He paused. "I promise. . . if you let me be that guy, I will never leave you. I'll never not be with you. I - I love you so much. . . Let me be that guy who'll love you forever. That'll never leave you, that'll be there when something goes wrong, that'll _just be with you. _Let me be that guy. I promise you won't regret it."

And then, Beckett was kissing him. Kissing him so hard, that he fell backwards with her sprawled on top of him. But, he didn't care. And it seemed that she didn't mind either. Their lips met with such passion, that Castle was already becoming breathless, his head going foggy. His arms circled her waist, and he pulled her closer to him. Her hands came in his hair, and his hands came up her to the inside of her shirt, getting a gasp to escape her mouth which soon turned into a groan as his fingers squeezed her hips. Her body arched into his, and he knew he was panting hard when he felt her breasts against his own chest. Her fingers quickly released the buttons on his shirt, and she pushed it back.

Castle pulled back, his breathing hard. "You didn't say it back."

Beckett smiled. "What? That I love you? You already know that."

"Still. . . Not coming from you're lips."

She smiled, and leaned back down. "I love you." She whispered.

He gathered her in his arms, and lifted her up, his shirt already a pile on the ground.

~Castle&Beckett~

Ryan sent Castle a text. _What'cha doing?_

A couple seconds later, a reply came. _Making out with beckett. Can't talk now!_

Ryan's mouth fell open in astonishment, and he quickly turned around to his partner, hitting at a constant speed on his shoulder. "Dude! Look what Castle just sent me!"

Esposito rubbed his shoulder, but nevertheless looked down at the text. His eyes, too, got wide once he read it and a smirk overcame his face. "You owe me fifty bucks, bro."

Ryan laughed, humorlessly. "Uh, no. _You_ owe _me_ fifty bucks. Remember?"

"Ryan, hand it over." Esposito said, his hand out stretched.

"I swear! It was you!"

"I meant the phone."

"Oh."

Ryan handed it over, and Esposito went to his inbox.

"What are gonna do?" Ryan asked, his head above Esposito's shoulder.

"I'm sending this text to every person I know. This is gonna be worth gold."

Ryan cringed. "Isn't that kinda rude?"

Esposito stared at him in exasperation. "Does it really matter?"

"Well. . ."

"Words gonna get out anyway. We're just gonna get it out early. No harm in that, right?" He push the send button. "I think this calls for a drink, bro. I'll buy."

Ryan nodded. "Alright. I'll call Jenny, tell her I won't be back till later."

Esposito handed back his phone to him, and a text suddenly appeared.

_Castle and Beckett r finally together? Please tell me u and Esposito r going out for a drink._

Ryan chuckled, and nudged Esposito. "Looks like Lanie's already got the message. Guess you're right. We _are_ only putting it out early."

~Castle&Beckett~

_U GUYS MAKING OUT?_

Beckett rolled her eyes, and hit delete. Castle laughed beside her. "Looks like I got the word out."

Beckett rolled her eyes again, and she laid her head down on Castle's chest. "I can't believe you told him that."

"At least I didn't say we were having wild and passionate sex."

"Castle!"

"I didn't send that, I swear!"

Beckett laughed. "If you had, you would be dead right now."

"Which is why I _didn't_ send it." He said. He ran his hand up and down her back and she sighed in contentment.

"I love you."

He smiled. "Can't get enough of that."

Beckett pressed her mouth against his and kissed him deeply. When she let go, he gently stroked her hair.

"You didn't say it back." Beckett said.

"What? That I love you. You already know that."

"Tell me again."

"I love you." He whispered.

She smiled. "Again."

"I love you."

"I'll never get sick of hearing that."

"I hope not."

She held his gaze, and brought her hand up, touching his chin. "Thank you. For being here."

"Always."

This time when her phone vibrated, she ignored it. Ryan was just going to have to wait.

~Castle&Beckett~

"Why won't she answer?" Ryan asked staring down at her phone. Lanie gave him a disapproved look.

"Gee, maybe because she's _trying _to make love to Castle." She said.

Esposito hit him over the head. "You couldn't even leave them alone when they're doing that?"

"How was I suppose to know?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe when he sent you that text saying he was making out with Beckett for the first time. . ."

They were silent for a moment. Ryan turned his head, considering. "Do you think tonight was the first time they kissed?"

Lanie laughed. "_No way_. They defiantly had to have kissed at least once before this."

Esposito turned towards her. "Where? Why?"

Lanie leaned closer to the both of them. "Well, one reason would be going undercover on a case. That answers both questions. Maybe one day they just couldn't stand not being close to one another, and decided to have a go at it. I don't know. They could've kissed anytime the last three years."

"Bet I can get it out of Castle tomorrow that they kissed before today." Ryan said. " How much you betting they did?" Ryan asked.

Esposito thought for a moment. "Sixty. Lanie?"

She nodded. "Same here."

Ryan nodded. "Deal."

~Castle&Beckett~

Beckett rolled over, the sheets tangling around her legs. She switched her alarm off, and smiled silently when a pair of hands came around her waist. She turned back around, and Castle's mouth covered hers in less than a heartbeat. His tongue lightly licked her bottom lip, and she sighed, opening her mouth.

After awhile, Beckett finally pulled away. "I need to get ready for work." She said.

"Need help taking a shower?" Castle teased.

Beckett raised her eyebrow. "That could arranged."

Castle followed Beckett into her bathroom, and splashed his face with water while she turned the water on.

"What'ya think everyone will say when we walk in." Castle asked when she turned back towards him.

Beckett shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'm sure Ryan and Esposito already told everyone what they need to know."

Castle laughed. "Sorry 'bout that again."

Beckett smiled. "I'll only except that apology if you do something for me?"

Castle raised his eyebrow and wrapped his arms around her. "I think I have a good guess as to what you want."

"Oh, really?"

"Have, I quote, 'wild and passionate' shower sex in the morning." He kissed her. "Hopefully every morning. . ."

"You read me like a book."

"Don't I always?"

She wrapped her legs around his waist when he lifted her up, and kissed him. She definitely hoped he was speaking the truth. She could get use to mornings like this.

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_Alright, so I hoped you liked that. Tell me what you think! Reviews are (always) very much appreciated! ;)_


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